Bowling Shall be Banished

March 24, 2008

Honk!  Honk!  What’s that?  That’s the sound of the bowling express.  And why is it honking?  Because it can’t move at all because it has bowling balls for wheels and those are severly deficient wheels in the grand scheme of things.  And do you know why the bowling express is perpetually stuck going nowhere? I’ll tell you – because bowling is the most absolute moronic “sport” ever invented. 

 If I ever started my own society one of the earliest rules, right behind “No smoking cigarettes with the window down while driving a car in the winter and somebody else in the car”, would be “No bowling”.  There’s no point to bowling.  You take your arm back, release the bowling ball and hope it knocks down a couple of pins.  What I especially do not like about bowling is that you do the same thing over and over yet you get different results each time.  You take your arm back and roll the ball and you get 7 pins, ok, next time you do the same thing and you end up with a strike!  Yay!  How can you ever get excited about the strike when you did the same thing the time before and got 6 pins?  It makes no sense, how do people do this and enjoy it? 

Now, at this point you might be thinking, “You know what? Other sports – such as golf – are exactly the same.  You just do the same thing over and over”  If this was you, and you were thinking along those lines – congratulations, you have just qualified to compete in the Special Olympics, moron.  (On a side note, you know how if you have an IQ of 70 or below you are considered mentally challenged?  I think the worst thing in the world would have to be having an IQ of 71, because then there is nothing really wrong with you, you are just really, really stupid.)

But, the difference between bowling and golf is that each golf shot is different.  Should I use my 3 iron or 7 wood?  Should I hook it back left or try to loft it over the tree?  See, there is thought involved, creativity is needed.  You must master driving, fairway play, short game, and putting.  There is no sport that is as incomprehensively stupid as bowling. 

And, if all you do all day is bowl.  You repeatedly take your arm back and throw the ball down the lane for a living – wouldn’t you think there would be a lot more perfect games out there?  I mean there’s no defense, in basketball and like sports they practice shooting all day – but they have to face defenders, quick decisions etc – in bowling they are doing the same thing they did 5,000 times that week.  Shoudn’t they have mastered it by now?

For me, I take shits all the time – and you never see me missing the toilet.  Shouldn’t bowlers at least be at the same level?  For anyone that sees anything positive in bowling please feel free to lend me your wrong side of the argument.